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Submitted on
January 6, 2013
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This is an entry to :iconthelifeofwords:'s Christmas Contest: [link]

:bulletblue: Suggestions/Word Choice to improve dialogue.
:bulletblue: Suggestions/Word Choice to improve description.
:bulletblue: Please point out any spelling/grammar you noticed that I might miss so I can fix it.
:bulletblue: Please give insight on what you liked and didn't like.

:bulletgreen: Word Count: 542
Story, Characters, etc. (c) =Metarex12
:iconbonafidefaith:
BonaFideFaith Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
In the third paragraph I believe it should be "wasn't" rather than "isn't" to keep the verb tense constant.
I also think you're missing a great opportunity in the sword fight - that's the main action in this piece. However, rather than describing the duel, you have dialogue that feels completely separate. If they really are fighting to the death, I would imagine it being very difficult to have such a long conversation.

Enjoyed!
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:iconmetarex12:
Metarex12 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Student General Artist
Okay. :) Thank you.
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