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February 1, 2012
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:iconmetarex12:
:bulletred: The Beginning
:bulletblack: Previous
:bulletwhite: Next

This is the prologue and chapter 1 of my novel A.I. The dashes represent the break between the prologue and chapter 1 except for the first set of dashes. Another thing is that at the top of each new break is the person's perspective so in this one it shifts from third-person to David's POV.

:bulletblue: Need suggestions for a better title.
:bulletblue: Please point out any spelling/grammar you noticed that I might miss so I can fix it.
:bulletblue: Suggestions on how to make the beginning a lot more captivating.
:bulletblue: Please give insight on what you liked and didn't like.

:bulletgreen: Word Count for Prologue: 436
:bulletgreen: Word Count for Chapter 1: 1,144
:bulletgreen: Total Word Count for this submission:1,580
:bulletgreen: Total Word Count for Novel: 1,580
Story, Characters, etc. Đ =Metarex12
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:iconlulu-illussions:
*lulu-illussions Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Interesting idea, despite I usually donīt read sci-fi, I liked this. Davidīs way of narration is very fluent and pleasant to read.

However, lagre paragraph in the beginning could be devided into few smaller ones, as spaces make it easier and more transparent to read.
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:iconmetarex12:
=Metarex12 Apr 8, 2013  Student General Artist
Okay. :nod: Thank you.
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:iconbalaria:
~Balaria Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
An interesting start to a story. I honestly didn't mind going from the third person view into first person. They're clearly sectioned off so there was no problem adjusting to it.

The only slightly difficult bit was the chat part. When you have three different types of text mixed in, each representing a different thing, it gets a bit cumbersome. Maybe it would be easier to read if you represented it like a real chat would? So you'd have:

Nickname: Who are you?
DifferentNickname: What?
etc.

But a good start none the less :)
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:iconmetarex12:
=Metarex12 Jan 14, 2013  Student General Artist
Okay. :) Thank you.
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:iconkiriyuu69:
~Kiriyuu69 Sep 16, 2012
wow you are really good at these sci-fi fantasy stuff
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:iconmetarex12:
=Metarex12 Sep 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you.
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:iconkiriyuu69:
~Kiriyuu69 Sep 17, 2012
ur welcome~ <3
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:iconmetarex12:
=Metarex12 Sep 17, 2012  Student General Artist
:)
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:iconkiriyuu69:
~Kiriyuu69 Sep 18, 2012
~\^o^/~ <3 <3 <3
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:iconlneliell:
~lneliell Sep 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you should be a writer.
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